Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter by Seth Grahame-Smith

By Seth Grahame-Smith

Indiana, 1818. Moonlight falls during the dense woods that encompass a one-room cabin, the place a nine-year-old Abraham Lincoln kneels at his anguish mother's bedside. She's been troubled with anything the old-timers name "Milk Sickness."

"My child boy..." she whispers ahead of dying.

Only later will the grieving Abe study that his mother's deadly illness used to be truly the paintings of a vampire.

When the reality turns into recognized to younger Lincoln, he writes in his magazine, "henceforth my existence can be certainly one of rigorous examine and devotion. I shall turn into a grasp of brain and physique. And this mastery shall have yet one purpose..." talented along with his mythical top, energy, and ability with an ax, Abe units out on a course of vengeance that might lead him the entire solution to the White House.

While Abraham Lincoln is commonly lauded for saving a Union and liberating thousands of slaves, his valiant struggle opposed to the forces of the undead has remained within the shadows for centuries. that's, until eventually Seth Grahame-Smith stumbled upon The mystery magazine of Abraham Lincoln, and have become the 1st dwelling individual to put eyes on it in additional than a hundred and forty years.

Using the magazine as his advisor and writing within the grand biographical sort of Doris Kearns Goodwin and David McCullough, Seth has reconstructed the true lifestyles tale of our best president for the 1st time-all whereas revealing the hidden background at the back of the Civil conflict and uncovering the function vampires performed within the beginning, development, and near-death of our country.

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Additional info for Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter

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She passes through the metal detector, then stops at the end of the X-ray machine to collect her carry-on bags. Instead of coming out and rolling down the belt, the rest of our bags begin piling up inside the machine while this self-centered whore puts her shoes on, and then puts her laptop back in its bag. Meanwhile, the remaining twenty feet of conveyor belt remains as unused and barren as I hope her womb is. • The three Indian people on the plane directly behind me right now, who smell, to phrase it gently, like spicy logs of shit.

Of all the sports, baseball was the only one I ever tried (unless you consider it a sport to kneel by the side of your bed and hold your shits in for so long it causes stomach cramps, in which case I’m a Hall of Famer). I certainly wasn’t destined to be one of the greats. I think I was a fourth grader my first year in Little League, and I played right field for Young’s Glass Service. Ah, yes, the dream of every boy: to play for a team named after a storm window installation company. Quite an accomplishment, second only to playing shortstop for Marv’s Plaque Removal or being the backup catcher for the East Brunswick Rape Crisis Center.

It’s not Selma in the 1960s, you sissies (if it were, the cause would be legitimate, and Sharpton wouldn’t be involved). People aren’t going to stop using toilet paper to wipe their asses, or start washing their dishes with saliva, or refuse to drink Coke because Imus made fun of a bunch of below average looking broads. Predictably, Reverend White Guy Hairdo wasn’t the only shithead to go after him, there were quite a few leeches who drank the (grape) Kool-Aid right along with him. You can’t help but love the fact that Sharpton actually considered himself as a possible presidential candidate in 2003.

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